31 May 2013

A Second Chance

I was working for a company back in October in a new position that I was happy to be in. Until they started playing around. They brought in a second person and then decided to pull out of the position and basically demote me. They did this without my knowledge and in the most reckless way. I was sitting at my computer literally watching my files disappear. Naturally, I was like, "what the hell?" So I go over the supervisor and asked what was going on and she told me. I was so disturbed and shaken up I had to take a step away from the office after I had moved my stuff, yet again, from one location back to the old one. It doesn't seem so bad looking at it now but it was pretty messed up to me. I don't things changed abruptly with no meeting or communication. I had to go to the supervisor to ask. It should have been the other way around.

I was literally getting sick over work. I stressed about it after that happened and to make things worse, they started putting more pressure on everyone. I became nauseous and my head ached. I then developed a cough and was coughing up a lot of phlegm. I don't completely blame the job for what happened next but I do believe they played an important role in pushing my health to where it ended up.

The end of October was coming and my father was coming to visit me for a week. My birthday was November 1st and Halloween was coming. I almost took off the entire week prior to my father coming. I dragged myself to go pick him up on Saturday the 26th of October. I was so achy and tired but I picked him up and we headed back to my place. The next day I was not good. I had the shivers bad from having a fever. We went into the CVS minute-clinic and waited for a while. The doctor there took my temperature and it was 104 degrees. She said I had to go to the emergency room immediately. We rushed to the closest one and I was admitted into the hospital. At this point I was so sick I had no idea was really happening, After some tests and x-rays, they found I had double pneumonia.

I remember waking up briefly and my mother was there. I had no idea was going on. Why is my mother here? Apparently,  I had been in an induced comma with a ventilator and they were waking me up at random just to make sure I was OK still. The only thing I can faintly remember is hearing and slightly seeing my mother crying. The next thing I know I was fully awake and a week had gone by. I was in ICU and was able to breathe on my own.

I had slept through my birthday and Halloween. I had so many questions since I had no memory of the last week at all. I can't imagine my mother flying out not knowing what was happening and then to see me in the ICU bed all hooked up and sleeping. She told me she feared she was flying out to bury her son.

I had lost over 15 lbs. I lost my sense of taste, the ability to speak and clearly breathe and to walk. I felt like I was restarting everything again. Thankfully I had a team of doctors and therapist with me. I was up and walking with practice and feeding myself. My voice came back fully after about two months and I could walk normally after about one month of practice and physical therapy at home. All my family was calling me and my aunt with whom I haven't spoken to since 2010 came to visit me. I received many cards from family and friends. Friends came to visit me at the hospital and at home. I never realized how blessed and loved I was.

I am sitting here now a different person. I can't believe I overcame that whole thing. Every night at the hospital they would test your blood and my arms looked so bruised and red I felt like I was lifting a brick when I moved them. I was so skinny and pale. I have gained all the weight back now and all the bruises and marks are gone. All but one slightly remains. One scar on my neck from where I had a jugular intravenous. It is there to remind me everyday of what I went through.

My parents and I may have not gotten along the greatest growing up but they truly are amazing. They made me appreciate them even more than I possibly could have. They adopted me and gave me a second chance at a better life here in America. I wouldn't be here at all if it weren't for them. If I never believed in God before anything, this would make me. I always have though and I believe everything happens for a reason.

My uncle died in March of this year. He had been long suffering from liver cancer and I was of course very sad but I felt an even stronger connection with my family. We are a small family and some of us may not get along the greatest but we will come together in the time of need. I want year to full of happiness and good times. Not sadness and disappointment like it has been for the past year. I was given a second chance for reason. I have yet to figure it out but I know I have a calling somewhere out there.

I never went back to that company. They had to lay me off due to me not having sick leave and they never responded to me when I was ready to go back. It was a sign and I need to move on. The company represents a time in my life I will never forget but wish to not return to. I am better now and ready to really start living now. I am only 23 and I have so much I want to see and do.

I had never been too close with my father growing up. He told me that he has only cried once in his live and the second time was when I was sick. He cried alone. He stayed with me for a while during my recovery and then had to go back home to help my mother with the house and dogs. When I dropped him off at the airport he told me that he loved me. This wasn't the first time he's said it or anything but it was the first time that it wasn't just an obligatory "I love you" that parents or lovers say in haste. There was something different about it and I truly felt it like I have never before. Perhaps it was everything we have been through that made it stronger but it was special. We always see our father as strong men who take care of their family. I saw that broken down and into a father who truly cares and loves his son.

I may not have a big family or a lot of friends but the ones I do have are best and strongest people I know. I went through my old phone my mom had used when I was sleeping to contact my friends. They were contacting me and were concerned. Those texts, even though they are just texts still to this day. Everyone means the world to me in a way they may never understand.

To those reading this, please hug your pets, your family if you can. Don't focus on their shortcomings because they could be gone and you will miss that. We have so many means of communication today but it doesn't make us any more closer to one another. Message someone you haven't talked to in a while. Catch up with a high school or college friend. You never know where it can go. People change all the time. It's what they do with that change that makes them who they are.

29 May 2013


I am coming back to this blog at a time in which I really should be using my writing. It's funny as I read some of the old posts I wrote when I was back in college. I kept a few of the ones I thought really relate to me still or that are just important to my life in general.

I am coming back here because my words on paper seem to resonate and help me more than the words out of my mouth. We all go through things, ups and downs and twists and turns. We all cry, suffer, rejoice, etc. I am here to share those emotions. I originally used this blog to basically vent and rant. I feel like I need to alter that a little and use this platform for more than that. I need to connect myself more rather than to throw my feelings on a page and forget about it and hope people feel the same way I do. That was just immature and it got boring. I stopped doing that because I became tired of spilling my guts out and venting to a seemingly empty audience. I realize now that it doesn't matter. Who cares about statistics and who is gonna rant and rave about what you did. If anything, I can reach someone who I don't even know and they won't say a word. Deep in their mind, they are thinking and something is brought up inside them. Just as I react  when I watch or read other blogs/vlogs.

A lot has changed since those last posts and it's really all for the better in my opinion.